


Upside Down

by merlins_sister



Category: JAG
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-28
Updated: 2011-09-28
Packaged: 2017-10-24 03:21:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/258363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlins_sister/pseuds/merlins_sister
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harm's fallen in love with the girl next door. Trouble is they're both married to the Navy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Upside Down

**Author's Note:**

> General Season 9 spoilers

Harm fell back onto the bed, panting to catch his breath. His companion collapsed next to him, before pulling herself in closer, Harm's arm wrapping around her as she did so. They lay like that for a few minutes, both letting their bodies recover from the exertions of the afternoon. Only then did Harm find his voice returning.

"Damn it, Jennifer, you are going to be the death of me."

She didn't reply except with that low throaty chuckle that sounded like a cross between laughter and a purr. It was a sound that sent shivers through Harm every time he heard it. She moved so her head lay on his chest, before turning to look up at him. "I am not taking responsibility for starting those acrobatics this afternoon. Definitely your idea," she said her voice light with amusement and teasing.

"Okay, maybe I had something to do with it, but you are a very inspirational person," Harm replied with a smile, tingling as Jen responded with another throaty chuckle. He paused, stroking her cheek gently, his mood turning more thoughtful as he continued, "God, you are so beautiful." He felt her catch her breath at his words, her gaze staying on his face.

"I love you." Her voice is soft, her breath gently caressing his body.

"I love you, too," Harm replied before leaning forward to kiss her.

A sigh drifted from her lips as he pulled back. Moving out from underneath his arm Jen pulled herself to the edge of the bed. Pulling his shirt on she said, "I'm going to get a drink. Do you want something?"

"I'm good thanks."

She grins. "Well, that goes without saying."

Harm chuckled. Shifting slightly he lifted his head up to look at the headboard, which was currently near his feet. "We finished upside down again," he commented.

Jen appeared above his head. She leant forward and dropped a kiss on his lips before replying, "Well, you were the one who flipped me over."

He grinned at her comment, and the memory flashing through his mind. "True," he said. "Very true."

He turned to watch his lover as she left the bedroom, noting how the tails of his shirt didn't quite cover the curve of her buttocks, a sight that elicited a sigh from him. Turning his gaze back to the ceiling he let his mind wander. For some reason his mind returned to his current position in the bed. Upside down. Back to front. However you described it. Seemed a good way of describing how he felt nowadays. Life seemed to be turning on its head, and he wasn't sure exactly how he had got there. It no longer ran to the order he had always accepted of Navy first, life second. It no longer laid the same importance on the same people, or in the same way. There were new people, new feelings, new priorities.

Becoming guardian to Matty had been a big turning point. He understood that. Finally responsible for someone other than himself, he had been forced into accepting a different way of living. Even if at first he had done that with a great deal of help from other people, especially the woman who had just left his bed. And then just the whole thing of having a daughter, a sense of that family he had always denied himself. It had made him question his choices, start to wonder if he wasn't ready for something else. He just hadn't expected it to happen in this way.

Falling in love with Jen had caught him off guard. It wasn't that he hadn't found her beautiful before. He had always thought of her as attractive in the impishly pretty sense, and her gentle but mischievous personality had had its charm on him, even early on. But she was a Petty Officer, he was a Commander, she was 12 years his junior, she was... well... just Petty Officer Coates. And of course there had been the whole complex situation with Mac. If ever he had banged his head against the proverbial brick wall it was over that. At some point he had just got tired of trying to work it out, accepting that whatever the depth of feeling he had for her, it just wasn't going to happen. What he couldn't work out was whether that happened before or after he started noticing that a certain Petty Officer had the most amazing eyes in the world. And that even in her uniform there were curves that looked like he really needed to explore them.

At first he dismissed these thoughts as a result of the sense of family that Jen, Matty and he had built up. He had a daughter. It was only natural that he would want a partner as well. And what would be more natural than to develop feelings for the woman who was effectively in the mother role, and had been assumed to be the step mother on more than one occasion.

Then he told himself it was just a reaction to finally letting go of Mac. A rebound of sorts. It was predictable that he would subconsciously find a way of directing the feelings he had for her on to someone else. Becoming close to Jen on a friend level was bound to make her the obvious target for his subconscious.

It was only when he had had to take some serious mental cold showers at work, and control an irrational, overwhelming sense of jealousy whenever Jen went near another man, that he had finally accepted that something more was going on. He missed her if he was away, finding himself longing for his cell phone to flash Matty on the screen in case he got a chance to talk to her. He encouraged Jen to come to the meals he organised with Matty, inviting her to stay and talk while Matty went off to do homework, or to phone her friends.

He had fought hard to keep the Commander in control. He knew what an enormous risk for both of them it would be to act on his feelings. He was a JAG lawyer after all. But somehow, despite everything, he couldn't help but let hints through of what he was feeling and wanted. He sensed that Jen understood what was going on, and returned his feelings. Her own reactions to him showed the same conflict of the personal and the professional. He could feel her watching him sometimes, her smile shy and uncertain if he looked up and returned her gaze. Playful conversations would falter as the Petty Officer in her took over at what might be perceived as inappropriate behaviour.

Still, for a while, they had managed to keep everything in check. Eventually though the tension started to break through. Playful conversations started to have the odd barbed comment in them. They would bicker over the smallest thing. And at work they lost their relaxed approach to each other, both pulling themselves inside their rank in a desperate attempt to stop what was already heading out of control.

It had finally started with an argument. Harm couldn't remember exactly over what. Something small and inconsequential, but enough in their fragile condition to make both of their tempers flare. Matty had been staying at a friend's house so Harm had offered to cook for Jen while she studied. As he got the food ready they started chatting, and somehow in that conversation they upset each other. It had been so bad that Jen had asked him to leave the apartment. He had stormed back to his place, stomping around it until he had calmed down enough to realise what he'd done. He sat there for half an hour working out how to get his size 10 foot out of his mouth before working up the courage to apologise to her. Opening his door he had discovered Jen standing outside, hand poised as if ready to knock. They had looked at each other for a moment before simultaneously saying, "I'm sorry." Smiles of relief from both of them had been followed by a hug. When they had finally let go a little, and looked at each other, Harm had felt his control slipping from his reach. Before he could stop them words tumbled from his mouth. "You are so beautiful." Jen had bowed her head at the compliment, though they were still standing close enough for Harm to feel her heart pounding and a slight tremble. She was doing her own battle with self control.

When she looked up again Harm tried to explain himself. "The rules... " he started.

"I know," she replied gently.

"We could destroy our careers."

"I know," came the same quiet reply.

He had paused, and in an attempt to be completely honest, continued, "I am not worth the risk for you, Jen. I am demanding, egotistical, inconsiderate..."

"True."

Harm stopped mid-sentence in surprise at her interruption. "Say what you think, Jennifer. Don't hold back," he replied, after a moment's consideration to see whether he was irritated or amused by her response. Considering the circumstances he had leant towards amused.

"You are all those things, Harm," she replied a smile on her face. "But you are also kind, generous, loyal, funny." She paused. "You are more than worth the risk to me. But then, I have less to lose than you."

"Both of our careers are important," Harm insisted. "Just because mine is longer, doesn't mean it's any more important than yours."

"So you're saying I'm worth risking your career over?"

"Yes." His answer had come out so fast he hadn't even thought about it, and the flush on her face told him that she hadn't been expecting such a certain reply.

"You are so smart," he started to explain, "and funny, compassionate. You keep me on my toes." He paused to look into the eyes that had bewitched him for so long. Hesitantly he lifted his hand up to stroke her cheek. Sense and reason were flowing away from him. "Did I mention beautiful as well?" he managed.

"I think it came up," she replied, her eyes locked with his, all pretence at discussion disappearing between the both of them.

Very slowly he had dropped his lips to hers, the kiss soft and tentative. When he lifted his head up he knew he had gone beyond pulling back. Grabbing on to the last bit of common sense he had left in him he managed to shut the door before pushing Jen against the wall, and letting loose some of the hunger and desire he had been feeling for the previous few months. When they had finally come up for air a few minutes later Jen had lost no time in showing him how much she shared his desire. Tugging at his clothes she had led the way to his bedroom. They had tumbled on to the bed, quick to explore each other. Harm had discovered that exquisite chuckle of hers for the first time that night, as well as lots of other things about her that he hadn't even got around to imagining.

It wasn't until the next morning that they finally discussed what was going to happen next. As they sat quietly eating breakfast they went over the possible options open to them. All led them back to the same conclusion. They had to either give each other up, or at least one of them had to give up the Navy. If they didn't they would risk everything the courts could throw at them. Jen wouldn't let Harm resign, but he didn't want to be without her until her enlistment came to an end the following year. Eventually they came up with a compromise. They would continue the relationship in secret, hoping that no-one would notice any subtle changes in their behaviour, until Jen could leave.

Even now, as he lay in the bed remembering all of this four months later, Harm couldn't stop the guilt rising up inside him. He still felt he should have resigned; it would have been more honourable. Yet he had accepted Jen's decision because it made life easier for him. Yes the risks were higher, but he didn't have to give up the Navy, the organisation he'd been effectively married to for most of his adult life. He paused for a moment as he pondered whether married men felt like this at all when they were with a mistress. In love with both yet unable to leave the comfort of the wife behind.

Harm was distracted from his musings by the return of Jen with her drink.

"Sure you don't want something?" she asked as she put her drink on the bedside table.

"Only you," he replied, sighing as he caught sight of her curves underneath the shirt.

She turned to look at him. "I think you've had quite enough of me this afternoon," she replied with a grin.

"It's never enough," he replied quietly, Jen's expression showing her understanding that he wasn't just talking about the physical.

She dropped a gentle kiss on his lips before laying down next to him, cuddling in closer as he pulled the sheet around them. Both let sighs of contentment pass their lips.

"When do you have to pick up Matty?" Jen asked after a few minutes happy silence.

"In about an hour."

Jen nodded her reply against his chest.

Harm glanced down at her, his hand wandering to her hair. As he started stroking the long locks he took a deep breath. It was time for a decision.

"I'm handing my resignation in on Monday."

Jen's head shot up in alarm. "Harm, no... "

"I have to, Jen. I know we've discussed it, but we can't keep going like this."

"Are you worried someone knows something?"

"No," he replied, stroking her face gently. "I was completely truthful when I said I was willing to risk prosecution over our relationship. It's just... it's just that you deserve more than being the mistress to my marriage to the Navy. It's time for things to change."

He watched her face as she processed what he had just said. Delight at his obvious love for her, yet concern about the changes he was suggesting. He took her hand and moved it to his lips. "I want to be able to take you to dinner without worrying about who might see us. I want to be able to walk with you hand in hand, to kiss you when I feel like it... I want to show the whole world how lucky I am to be in love with this wonderful woman. And I can't do that when we are restricted to these two apartments."

Jen's smile spread at his words, the doubts and concerns slowly clearing her face as she started to understand. She tilted her head on one side as she looked at him. "You've made up your mind, haven't you?" she said quietly.

"I'm afraid so, and this is one of those occasions when you can't use your considerable feminine whiles to persuade me otherwise." He looked at her carefully. "I mean, I'm presuming you feel the same way as me."

"Of course I do,” Jen replied, quick to reassure him. "I hate hiding out as much as you. I just didn't want you to feel you had to give it all up."

"I'm not giving it up. Merely exchanging it for something I want more."

Jen dropped her lips to his in a long kiss, nothing more needing to be said. Harm pulled her in close to him as they both settled to enjoy the rest of the time they had left just to be with each other that day.

"Do you want to move back to the pillows?" Jen asked after a few moments, her voice sleepy and contented.

"No. Down here is fine. I'm kinda getting used to being upside down."

Used to it indeed.


End file.
